YOU MIGHT BE A PREACHER IF: - You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken to discover you were - You're leading the church into the 21st century, but you don't know what you're preaching on Sunday - A church picnic is no picnic - You've ever wondered why people couldn't die at more appropriate times - It's Sunday, but Monday's coming! - Instead of getting "ticked off," you get "grieved in your spirit." - You've ever been tempted to take an offering at a family reunion - You'd rather talk to people with every head bowed & every eye closed. - You've ever wanted to "lay hands" on a deacon's neck. - Everybody stops talking when you enter the room. - You've ever wanted to give the sound man some feedback of your own. - You've ever stretched the truth at a funeral. - You'd rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist. - You've ever suffered anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit. - You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion..." - The ideas you bounce off board members really do. - You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church football Game. - Your Bible has more side notes than printed text. - You've ever wanted to fire the church & form a congregation search committee. - You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church building :)